my body.

I hate it. I hate my body. Every single inch of it ... there is NOTHING on my body that I like ... it sucks when I'm really in the mood for some loving ... and the boyfriend can't really do much to give it to me cause well ... he's bored of sex ... he's bored of the action of sex but he loves me and isn't bored of me ... I admit, the first time he told me that, I was crushed. My heart broke. It dropped. I had no more feelings for this guy that just told me he was bored of sex. It took me a while to understand ... he loves me ... but the action of sex bores him ... I guess because he's practically done everything already ... I just miss the feeling of someone touching me for the first time, so they're exploring my body ... he doesn't explore my body any more ... or at least I don't think he does ... all he really does is just fork me until I get off and then it's done ... gah. I despise being in a relationship with meaningless sex. I want hot, sexy, passionate, love-making sex ... it doesn't feel the same when both people are feeling two different things during intercourse ... it's just not the same. Making love and having sex are two completely different things ... I miss making love. I miss the passion ... I miss all of it ...

I want to go to a swingers party. We've done something similar to it before ... but I want to go to an actual party. I want someone to be curious about my body and just explore. I want someone to treat my body like it's worth something ... I want someone to just ... appreciate my body ...

I just want to be appreciated. That's all.

One more chance.

Today was the first day of school. My fire boy and I did not get back from our little Vegas trip until around 5am in the morning ... oh man ... that has got to be THE most scariest thing I ever went through ... We drove through snow in my little put put ... poor car. Luckily, the boo is a good enough driver to get us back home safely. We needed that Vegas trip. It didn't matter that we were broke and that we slept on the floor ... what really mattered was that we were able to share the end of 2010 as well as the beginning of 2011. The Vegas trip was a little trip for ourselves and it worked out better than I thought it'd be. Unfortunately for me, Lady Luck was NOT by my side but favored the boo instead. I also enjoyed the time I was able to spend with my family as well ... I am so grateful for them since they were the ones that allowed me to stay in the hotel with them. Aside from that, there happened to be a snowstorm yesterday night which caused the Cajon Pass to get congested since it snowed and people were going about 10 mph ... understandable of course but it was definitely a weird experiencing snow, turning into slush, and slush turning into rain ... trippy stuff. Once we got home, I had to make sure I had all my papers and my parking permit for school ready and stuff, thus postponing sleepy time for me. I don't know how I was able to wake up and get ready for school ... it was soooo hard considering the fact that I practically ditched the entire Fall Quarter ... I know, I know ... it's horrible. Anyways, went to school, parked my car for the first time in the hell parking lot ... oh gosh, I hate that parking lot, it gets filled up SO fast! UGH! Classes went well ... they seem interesting so far ... my spanish teacher is such a character lol she's very animated ... hopefully she's a chill teacher.

It sucked being sober during school. I was contemplating on taking a dry hit or finishing the resin the BF scrapped earlier ... considering the horrible weather, I went to school sober. It wasn't totally a bad thing ... it was just weird ... lol anyways ....

Introduction

Pisces in a nutshell:

Pisces is the sign of mysticism, mystery and the spiritual unknown. Pisces live in two worlds, the real world and the spiritual or mystical world where they interpret what they see into what they want. They do this to avoid all the realities of pain and suffering in the world. They have extremes of emotions and feel both good and bad intensively. Pisces have formidable intuitive ability. Most Pisces are somehow involved with occult or spiritualism. Pisces are very good at understanding people for they have the ability to delve into the psyche and see behind a person's motivations. Pisces are prone to drug addiction and indulging lifestyles because of their eternal search for themselves and their fear of confrontation and having to change a situation, also they justify drug use by allowing it to get closer with their 'spiritual selves'. Once they aware this is why they are doing it, it will be easier to kick the habit. Pisces are not the pushovers that they may seem, in fact they have strength of character and will stand up for what they believe in and and they can do hard work for something they believe in. They can be very lazy but only in matters that they do not care about. Pisces is the most sensitive of all zodiac signs.

Taken from: http://zodiac-signs-astrology.com/zodiac-signs/pisces.htm

Not everyone understands what it means to be a certain sign. Then again, not a lot of people believe in astrology along with other things. This post is a little introduction to this blog ... I guess. I want to remain anonymous because I don't want certain people to read this blog and then opens Pandora's box amongst everyone. Remaining anonymous is best for now ... Other than that ... I've blogged before ... I just keep coming back and going away from it ... I guess now since I have a lot of time on my hand, it feels like I should start blogging again since I'm going through a tough time in my life. It's always nice to collect my thoughts down somewhere other than having to speak to someone about. Ugh, I hate speaking to people about my problems ... feels like they're just sitting there, making assumptions and judging me regardless of what I say. Well, let's hope this blog is the next best thing to hiring some sort of therapist.